Webmail 16/08/2021, 14:58
https://***********/roxman@rosa-kwir.com/INBOX/1/54
Re: Rosa Kwir with Beck
16 August 2021 | 11:19 | 18 KB
From: Beck Cauchi <*****@********>
To: roxman@rosa-kwir.com
Hi Roxman,
Sorry for taking so long to fill these in but here they are finally.
They were more challenging
than I thought they’d be.
How do you identify your gender to yourself or to other people?
The easiest thing to say is always ‘male’, but to me, it’s something more nuanced than that. I do identify as male but I don’t want to be perceived in the way the general public rationalises masculinity because the way I do express my gender identity doesn’t always conform to those standards or requirements. I don’t want to be hyper-masculine in either presentation or action. It’s a constant struggle between my need to pass and blend in with cis men but also the want to make sure that people know I’m queer because I am scared of being assimilated with the negative traits that come (and are not discouraged) with masculinity. Depending on who I’m with, there are even people who at the time of writing this don’t know that I’m a trans man despite starting HRT.
Do you think that it is important for us to challenge, and change aspects of masculinity that are problematic?
Definitely and I feel like more than anyone else, genderqueer AFAB people’s experiences before identifying with non-cisgender identities gives us a perspective that cishet men especially might not be able to fully grasp, enabling us to actually pinpoint and recognise these problematic aspects better. And while these issues are being raised and challenged, there are still so many people clinging onto outdated norms and ‘traditions’ so I do believe there is still a long way to go. A lot of cishet men still don’t see trans people fully as their equals so unfortunately our addressing of these toxic masculine traits isn’t acknowledged as much. Equality with cis men is still something that I feel we are expected to earn and are in constant danger of losing if we step out of line with what is expected of us to be ‘real men’. That’s one of the most toxic traits, the idea of having to earn and compensate masculinity. This problem is also found within cishet men themselves too of course- for example, the ‘sissy’ trope which was originally created to ridicule cishet men who were not seen as ‘up to standard’.
What does masculinity mean to you?
A specific range of appearance and gender expression especially when it comes to attraction. There are certain behavioural traits that would be more commonly associated with masculinity but even those can be universal and not necessarily limited to. I find myself talking about the definition of masculinity more in its negative aspects than positive ones because to me, the notion of masculinity is a standard I am routinely expected to achieve even from the health professionals that hold my medical transition process in their hands. I don’t exactly aspire to be some stereotypical, buff, hairy, macho man but if I admit otherwise I am not deemed masculine enough for treatment.
What does trans joy mean/feel to you?
It means hearing someone use my name and my pronouns, it means looking in the mirror and even if it’s just for that moment, feel comfortable with how I look and not worried that people are still perceiving me as a woman. I don’t exactly find being trans a great thing mainly because of all the emotional turmoil and mental fatigue I was put through because of it and for the longest time even after I stopped repressing my identity, I was still constantly bitter about it. I find joy in being a man because I’m finally working to have a physical self to match what I feel. That being said, lately, I’ve also been thinking about some positives to it and I’m coming to cherish the fact that because I was not raised on toxic cishet, masculine standards. I have better awareness and understanding of others.
Regards,
Beck
On Mon, 12 Jul 2021 at 11:24, <roxman@rosa-kwir.com> wrote:
Hi Beck
Lovely to meet you the other day and thank you for accepting to be part of this project, I am sending you over some questions, please feel free to reply or not reply to any of the questions below.
How do you identify your gender to yourself or to other people?
Do you think that it is important for us to challenge, and change aspects of masculinity that are problematic?
What does masculinity mean to you?
What does trans joy mean / feel to you?
Thank you
Roxman
Webmail 16/08/2021, 14:58
https://********/roxman@rosa-kwir.com/INBOX/1/54