She felt something was different
during her days at school.
She’d tell herself it was just a phase
and so, she kept cool.

That phase remained with her
the following years.
Higher Secondary and University
there were also some tears.

They were not tears of shame,
it was just the confusion.
Was there someone to blame?
that was not the solution.

And what about God,
was this in His plan?
It was not her decision
not to like men.

She tried being ‘normal’
she did try it out,
it lasted three months
but it didn’t work out.

There were no friends to talk to,
for at least five years.
Then it just happened,
and with it more fears.

She was very happy
but she also felt bad,
the last thing she wanted
was to make her parents sad.

Today, three and a half years later,
those feelings are still there.
She now has friends to talk to
but she still feels the fear.

Should she continue living her life,
keeping all her feelings inside?
It’s so frustrating, but she’d rather do that
than be put aside.

And what about her Lord
the greatest cause of fear.
Does he accept her way of life?
or is she piercing his side with another spear?

Almost every night when she’s lying-in bed,
she stares at the ceiling, thoughts run in her head.
She prays the Lord, her number one guide
“the heavens above let me not be denied.”

(Tasha Pace 01/10/1998) 4.30am