The Location
I chose the sea specifically Ġnejna Bay as this was one of the few places to go to a as a kid living in such a rural part of Malta. Up until 4 years ago every summer my friends and I would wake up just as the sun was rising and meet up at the local park and where we would then proceed to walk to Ġnejna and back. During that hour long walk I would sometimes sit on the cold, wet sand and take in the view in-front of me, the sound of the water hitting the shore line, the smell of the sea breeze and the sight of the sun perfectly lining up with the horizon. All in all even if I’m not the greatest swimmer out there, the water is a soothing place for me, a place where happy memories should me made.
Donations
Although a hard decision, I decided to donate a pair of pants and a button up shirt. When I came out my first ever ‘male’ clothing were grey chino pants and a blue button up shirt with a mandarin collar.
I remember the day like it was yesterday, it was a few days before Christmas and I had gone out with mum and nanna clothes shopping in Sliema. The streets were bustling, the stores were packed but our hearts were set on finding me some decent clothes that I would feel comfortable in.
Although I only wore these pair of pants and shirt a handful of times, they still hold a significant meaning in my heart as for me they symbolized the start of my transition.
Masculinity
masculinity
NOUN
qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men.
If you were to ask me a 16 year old transgender male, what masculinity is to me, I would say this:
Growing up we learn that blue is associated with boys and pink is associated with girls. Girls are thought that they should focus on books, whereas boys are encouraged to work and rely on their hands. We are thought that without masculinity a man is not a man.
With a simple internet search one can learn that masculinity is a socially formed concept used to depict and describe what a man should look and act like. According to this concept a man should be brave and macho, he can never cry as that would show weakness, he should beat his wife in order to prove dominance and he should not think but act.
To me masculinity is being able to admit the fact that you were wrong, being able to care about your looks without being called a “fag”. Masculinity is being able to compliment someone’s eyes rather than the size of their chest or ass. Masculinity is not spreading the details of all your sexual endeavors to your mates. Masculinity is letting your children play with whatever toys they want to without calling them a “sissy” or a “tomboy”.
But in the end masculinity can and will be anything you want it to be.